You wake up and feel heavy.
You eat barely enough to be able to call it breakfast, get ready for the day; but everything seems dull.
The clouded, grey skies sadly feel like home.
You go about your day, dreading each step, each upcoming task.
When talking to friends, you plaster a smile and laugh along with their jokes, whether you feel like it or not.
Their joy and happiness seems unwarranted.
Do they know what it’s like to wake up feeling empty day after day?
Like grieving without cause.
You come home and go to sleep on a tearstained pillow.
You close your eyes hoping and praying that tomorrow will be better, that it’ll get easier.
And yet, you wake up and feel empty all over again.
This darkness is what I felt everyday. I was graduating high school, surrounded by my closest friends, had my whole future ahead of me, yet I felt completely and utterly empty. I was a hollow shell of who I used to be. The light that people claimed I had, was fake. Put on like a show to hide the pain that I was filled with. What was the point?
I knew I was hurting, yet I didn’t realize how severely it affected me. I would cry myself to sleep every night behind shut doors. Until one day I didn’t bother to shut the doors anymore. My mom came by my side and cried with me. The next day I booked my first appointment with a counsellor.
If any of this resonates with you in some way - hear me out.
I get it. It’s not easy. But you’re not alone.
If you struggle with mental health, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, disordered eating . . . I’m here for you. I’ve been there. I felt alone and didn’t know how to reach out for help. I didn’t even know how to ask, let alone who to ask.
My mental health had such a tight grasp on me till I was crippled with fear. Yet I didn’t want to acknowledge or identify it, hoping it would go away by itself. If you’re in the same boat with that thinking, I hate to break it to ya, but odds are it won’t go away by itself.
And as cheesy or tacky as it might sound, God will always be the one to fill that void for you. He’s there for you always, even when you can’t feel it. He surrounds you with His love and care and protection. Whether you can see it or not, He is there.
And what’s even more incredible about God is that He uses us! He equips each of us with the skills and talents needed to fulfill His great plan. Which includes you! The people and resources you need are out there to create a support system uniquely designed for you.
So please, take the next step and tell a friend, tell a youth leader, a trusted adult, book the doctor’s appointment - as hard as it may seem, SEEK HELP. You are worth fighting for.
To be strong, you need to be supported. To be brave, you need to be built up. To be courageous, sometimes you need to be carried first.
You CAN do this.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
FOR MORE HELP:
If you or someone you know is struggling with harmful or suicidal thoughts, please call 1-800-784-2433 (Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention); if you need someone to talk to, please call 1-800-668-6868 or text “CONNECT” to 686868 (Kids Help Phone).
More information and links are available on our Resources Page HERE.
Angela is a Vancouver girl with a heart for missions, teaching, and all things creative. She works as an ECE, and has spent many years volunteering with children and youth at church and as a camp counsellor. With her genuine compassion, humility, and laughter - we love having Angela on our GIRL365 team!