I don't remember what it was that one time that made me mad, but I was angry at one of my parents, like I have been so many times before.
I’ve never really had a great relationship with my parents. For as long as I can remember, they fought relentlessly. What started as yelling and arguing in the house turned into lengthy, complicated court battles. Being stuck in the middle of my parents' mess put a strain on my own relationship with both my parents. There are many times where I have felt hate towards them. Hate is a strong word, I know.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate my parents. They are great people, and they are also imperfect people, just like the rest of the world. There are moments where they drive me insane and - I'll be honest - I get hurt because I am a bit overly sensitive, but who's parents don't drive them crazy at times!?
This was one of those times. I was so angry - I hated them. As we sat in the car on our way home from wherever we had been, no one said a word. We could all feel the tension, but we stayed silent. And my mind started to wander. The enemy started to whisper lies into my ear.
Little thoughts here and there - "They hate you", "you're worthless", "you're a burden", "'it would be better off if you weren't around", "no one loves you".
These thoughts, these lies flooded my mind, spiralling around and around in my head, until Satan strategically tried to destroy me by placing this thought in my head: "You are nothing but the product of your parents."
"You are nothing but the product of your parents."
This one hurt. This one hit all the broken, unhealed parts of my heart, and it strung. All the ways that they had hurt me, all the mistakes that they had made, all the things that they had said. In short, all the things that had hurt me in some way that I hadn't yet forgiven and let God heal in my heart.
How could I love myself, knowing where I came from?
And that's when I remembered something that a friend had told me to remember and repeat to myself when I was feeling sad or unworthy:
I am a child of God.
This statement shut down my previous thoughts instantly. It no longer mattered who my earthly parents were, or what they had done. It no longer mattered what people had said to me or the ways I'd been hurt. None of that mattered anymore, because I am a child of God.
YOU are a child of God. No matter how strained your relationship may be with your parents here on earth, you have a perfect Father in heaven, and you are HIS child above anything else.
That night in the car, I decided I wanted to get the words "Child of God" tattooed on the inside of my wrist. I chose that placement because I used to struggle with self harm, and although I had stopped, I still had urges to hurt myself. I noticed that whenever I would feel sad or upset, I would almost automatically look at my scars and stare at the place I used to self harm.
So now, whenever my thoughts are spiralling out of control or I feel down, I am reminded of the truth that I am a child of God.
For me, that simple statement - I am a child of God - has been a game changer, and I hope that it can be for you too.
When you feel worthless; you are a child of God, and God doesn't create worthless things.
When you feel unloved; you are a child of God, and God loves you more than you can comprehend.
Whatever thought the enemy tries to plant in your mind, shut it down by remembering that you are a child of God.
You are a child of God.
Sandrine is a youth leader and School of Ministry student at Village Church in Surrey, BC. She loves Jesus, coffee, hand lettering and anything with flowers. This article was originally published on her blog at sandrineleilou.blogspot.com We are so thankful for her honestly and vulnerability in sharing a piece of her story.